I can't lie...I cried.

This little wonder started preschool today.
Our first official "first day of school" picture for Rory.
Rory showing off the tote bag we painted.

Last night was rough. Over the past week Rory has developed a pretty serious fear of the dark. It started out innocent enough. A few times she climbed out of bed in the middle of the night saying she wanted mommy and daddy and we'd put her back in bed...sometimes there was some sadness involved on her part. However, over the past few nights the conflicts have gotten much worse!

Two nights ago I put Rory down at 8:15 pm. By 9:00 pm she finally cried herself to sleep after 45 minutes of me putting her back in bed and her climbing out immediately saying, "I just want you mommy! I just want you!" To be completely honest, my frustration got so bad at one point that I spanked her much harder than I ever thought I could. (I think Brad and I are done with spanking...it's a slippery slope.) To give you a picture of the battle, imagine me sitting on the couch sobbing while Rory calls from her bedroom, "I just want you mommy!" It was miserable. Finally both of us hugged each other crying and I apologized for spanking her. She told me, "I'm sorry you're crying."

That same night she woke up at 3:30 and 4:15. I was terrified when I put her back in bed that we'd have a repeat war and Emme would get caught in the crossfire (the girls share a room). She was sad, but not distraught.

Last night she started again with the crying at bedtime. Brad finally gave in and turned on a flashlight in the corner. That seemed to pacify her enough to go to sleep. (Insert my feelings of inadequacy that I've just created another crutch for my 3 year old to go to sleep....so much guilt in parenting.) This morning at 5 am Rory came into our room, holding the flashlight and said, "Daddy, this isn't working." After seriously considering turning on cartoons in the living room and letting her lay on the couch til morning, Brad found another flashlight hoping that would solve the problem. No such luck. Rory stood her ground until 7 am this morning when her alarm finally went off. In the scuffle, Emme was awoken at 5:30 and had to come into bed with me while Brad stationed himself outside Rory's room to take her back to bed each time she left her room. By 6:30, Emme and I gave up trying to go back to sleep and we joined Brad in the living room to listen to Rory cry from her bed, "Why do you keep doing this?!"

Needless to say, I was a little anxious this morning considering the less than stellar night of sleep Rory had the night before preschool started. One time when we drove up to the school she told us she didn't want to go to preschool. But once she saw her friend Caedmon she was all in and a few times yelled, "Woo Hoo!" while we filed into the school. While other kids repeatedly said goodbye to their moms and dads, putting on a brave face, my daughter slipped through the crowd to the toys and I had to follow her in for a hug and kiss goodbye. The only words I heard from her were, "Love you mom. Where is the baby doll?"

She came home talking about her day and barely able to stay awake until her after lunch nap. Repeatedly she told people, "Preschool makes me tired." From what I can tell there were a couple incidents where she got bumped, she may have been unwilling to pick up toys when the teacher asked, she met a new girl named Haley, a girl in a blue shirt with flowers, and sat with some boys at a table. She also brought home her first picture drawn at school. She used one color...black. Hmmmm.